Ponderings...

I don't understand!

When your out of a relationship, how can one person's life change SO dramatically, but the other person's doesn't change at all. They simply delete you and replace you with a newer, shinier model. 

I've just been thinking a bit about it I guess and I don't know why!!! It's not like I want to be back there. I'm SOOO EFFING glad I'm not in that situation, but my brain always needs proper endings and answers to questions and this one it's struggling with.

Sometimes I think it wasn't me but the idea of me that he liked. Because he and his new girlfriend do the same things we used to do, with the same group of people, in the same place. It's like I've just been replaced and nothing's changed. So what does that mean?

I know your answer: Because boys are shit!

I know my counsellor's answer: Sometimes we'll never know the answer and the only way to move forward is to radically accept the situation for what it is, and accept that you may never know. 

I'll just keep telling myself this.

I think it just hurts a little. Which sucks because I thought I was over it. How long does it take to get over it? It's been so long! I don't think it's the relationship I'm still hurt over, but just the whole friends situation. It hurts me that they don't want to talk to me anymore. It hurts me that they've just accepted the new girl as my replacement and all hang out together and are BFFs and whatever! I don't think it's the relationship that's the problem. I'm glad he had a girlfriend. I think it's the fact that the group of my friends that pretty much told me to piss of are now welcoming the new girl with open arms. I think it's the fact that they act all sweet and innocent and to the world they are wonderful, but behind closed doors they do shit like what they did to me. I just don't understand! I don't understand what I did to deserve that treatment.

This is very cathartic by the way.. Getting it all out! 

And I miss you! I want a hug!

I miss Steve too. It would be so nice to have you both here!!

I keep imagining you are both here with me. And I think oh Jordi would love this, and we could do this together, or how beautiful would it be if Steve and I went to dinner here etc etc

Anywho I will hopefully get to see you towards the end of the year, if not your beautiful face on Skype sooner. Thanks for listening. I feel better getting it all out!

Lots and lots of love,

from the West 

xxxxx